My Chronic Illness

All my life I have known chronic illness. It started when I was about 3 years old. I would end up in the hospital with a horrible stomach ache and would be throwing up uncontrollably for 2 or 3 days. This was diagnosed as Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome (CVS). I missed lots of school, sleepovers, outings, you name it. As a child this was extremely difficult. This is now part of my trauma. No child should have to beg to go to the emergency room, be put on morphine, have to get blood taken time and time again, not to mention the endless amount of scans.

I outgrew my CVS by the age of 13 when I was then diagnosed with ADHD. That was the beginning of the journey I am on now. It was the snowball effect. It started with ADHD, then went to anxiety, tendinitis, Raynaud’s Disease… you name it. I was in pain, pain that was more so uncomfortable. At 18 it turned unbearable. I had a diagnosis of depression along with pain all over my body. Not just one type of pain in one or two places. It was pain that was sometimes dull, sometimes shooting, stabbing, needle-like, prickly, the feeling that my joints were out of place… The list of symptoms sounded unbelievable when I said it aloud; nausea, dizziness, headaches, stomach aches, chest pain, joint pain…etc. I could go through a list of nearly 30 symptoms! I knew something was wrong.

My mom and I went to my general doctor, who was currently treating my depression, and explained these pains, coming with a possible diagnosis a friend of a friend had mentioned. Fibromyalgia. That was it. Those words, that appointment, him squeezing my limbs with both hands and pain being presented. This was when we knew I had Fibromyalgia. I had to see many different specialists in hopes to get help, but nothing seemed to really work. Even after getting a diagnosis of gastritis and IBS, no medications helped, no food change, no exercise,

I was in France at the time, newly married, figuring out so much. The stress wasn’t helping. My depression was getting worse. As we immigrated to Canada and sought out even more doctors, I got another diagnosis, Borderline Personality Disorder. No, that is not the same thing as multiple personality disorder, just milder (which is what I originally thought), it is characterised

by severe mood swings, impulsive behavior, and difficulty forming stable personal relationships. This was why the depression felt so bad, why I was always so sensitive, why I could go from 10 on the happy scale to 1 in seconds. I never understood why I was this way and now it all made sense.

I’m now in the Faroe Islands (I know, lots of moving around) and I am wanting to seek treatment, discipline in trying exercise and diet changes, trying to overcome my fears and improve my overall way of being. My wonderful husband, Paetur has been a huge help in all of this. I couldn’t be more grateful or feel more loved. I may be chronically ill, I may not know anything else, but I can always strive for better.